I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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