around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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