i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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