I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
