Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
