Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
