I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
