I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
