She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
