p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
