Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You ate ashes out of my bong
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
