you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
