And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
