haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
