I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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