escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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