So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
