I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
