WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
