Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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