I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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