He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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