Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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