I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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