Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
this boner is exhausting
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
