My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
