Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
