dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
