I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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