sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I understand Curling. That high.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
