I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize