So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
