dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
