Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize