She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
