I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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