Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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