Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
