Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We were destined to go to rehab together
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
