keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
