I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
