when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
