Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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