I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize