i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
