i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
