I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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