Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hippo gnu deer
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
