My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
