I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
