we're making bets on your personal life
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
