Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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