I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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