Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
