Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
