I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
