with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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