I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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