sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
