Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
