i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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