i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
