i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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