Can i not drive my cunt home
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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