That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
