I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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