Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
