before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
