i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
