In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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