My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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