its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
