I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
