Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
