just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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