Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
