Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize