i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
