i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
