i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
