So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
